Grieving and Pet Loss
What Can I Expect to Feel?
Different people experience grief in different ways.
Besides your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following emotions:
- Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet's
death-the "if only I had been more careful" syndrome. It is
pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with guilt for the
accident or illness that claimed your pet's life, and only makes it more
difficult to resolve your grief.
- Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is
really gone. It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet you when you
come home, or that it doesn't need its evening meal. Some pet owners carry
this to extremes, and fear their pet is still alive and suffering
somewhere. Others find it hard to get a new pet for fear of being
"disloyal" to the old.
- Anger may be directed at the illness that killed your
pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who
"failed" to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when
carried to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of resolving
your grief.
- Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave
you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression robs you of
motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon your sorrow.
What can I do about my feelings?
The most important step you can take is to be honest
about your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger and guilt.
Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings can you begin to work
through them.
You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you
loved has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to feel anger
and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first, then ask yourself whether
the circumstances actually justify them.
Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it.
Cry, scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most. Don't
try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the
good times. This will help you understand what your pet's loss actually means
to you.
Some find it helpful to express their feelings and
memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including
rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have spent with your
pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to others about
your loss.
Who can I talk to?
If your family or friends love pets, they'll understand
what you're going through. Don't hide your feelings in a misguided effort to
appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings with another person is
one of the best ways to put them in perspective and find ways to handle them.
Find someone you can talk to about how much the pet meant to you and how much
you miss it-someone you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.
If you don't have family or friends who understand, or if
you need more help, ask your veterinarian or humane association to recommend a
pet loss counselor or support group. Check with your church or hospital for
grief counseling. Remember, your grief is genuine and deserving of support.
Memorialize Your Pet
International Star
Registry. Name a star in memory of your
pet. Call (800) 282-3333 for cost and
details.
Make a donation in your pet’s
name to an animal organization. For
instance, your local animal shelter, The
Morris Animal Foundation, or World Wildlife Fund.
Help your children write a poem
about your pet.
Phone numbers and website for grief support:
http://www.petloss.com/
Pet loss & Grief Counseling: Becky Andrews, MS, CPCI
(801) 447-6000/Cell (801) 259-3883 (Utah)
